Bedroom Emergency
by Night-Being
Summary: ItaDei Week. Short one shot where a spider rules the bedroom and Deidara can't use the vacuum.


_Written for ItaDei Week 2015!_

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The monstrous arachnid was observing him like a hawk, ulterior motives leaking from its vile puffy body. Eight hairy legs sprawled around, tensed and ready to attack. Lurking its opportunity and waiting for an opening the beast sat there; a silent threat. Deidara feared that if he would so much as twitch his finger, the odious monster would dash towards him. _What if he would accidentally touch it?_ Deidara's heart missed a beat and he swallowed nervously. There was only one way to deal with something as serious and critical as the danger of being chased around his own bedroom by a spider the size of a golf ball. Only one mean to save Deidara from the claws of this huge and horrendous insect…

Oh wait… _arachnid_. Yes. That was the proper name.

And so it was time to summon his knight in shining armor. "Itachi?!" Deidara called, voice mildly strangled with anxiety.

The sound of chops from the adjoining room perished and his boyfriend's soothing voice answered. "Yes?"

Deidara stalled in his spot. Why wouldn't Itachi come right away? Did he not know how severe the situation in their bedroom was? "Can you come here?!" Deidara requested, the panic being showed more in his tone.

He could almost see Itachi making a face. He was probably suspecting him of wanting to avoid the housework he was given. Like Deidara would _ever_ do that!

Well… Actually… He would. But it wasn't the case now!

After several agonizingly long seconds Itachi's voice finally answered. "I'm busy. Is something wrong, dear?"

Deidara growled in annoyance. "There's a spider in the room!" he exclaimed towards the door.

"Then use the vacuum cleaner," Itachi suggested immediately.

Deidara rolled his eyes. Why couldn't he simply come and help? What could be so important? A dinner? That could wait… everything could wait when there was a spider problem. "I can't! It's sitting _on_ the vacuum," Deidara shot back.

Sounds of clattering and rustle reached him from the kitchen, a knife clanked when it was put aside on the counter. A while later Itachi appeared in the door, small frown in his face and adorable apron with flower pattern around his waist. Deidara pushed away the need to snicker.

Itachi thoughtfully measured the entire room, then set his gaze on Deidara. "You know, Dei, I did ask you to-"

"-vacuum the bedroom two days ago. I know. I was busy." Deidara interrupted him and finished the sentence following it with another eye roll.

The raven kept silent, slowly prowling his eyes from Deidara on the spider and back. Deidara believed that his genius boyfriend was surely coming up with some plan of attack. He would have a solution for the bothersome state of affairs in no time. Deidara had faith in Itachi. "Just put away that thing and I'll do the cleaning now," Deidara swung his head towards the ugly arachnid.

Itachi's frown deepened. "How do you expect me to do that?" he questioned suspiciously. As if he believed that Deidara had set up some kind of a trap for him. It wouldn't be the first time, honestly, but Itachi knew that if it came to spiders, Deidara would never joke around.

"Huh? I don't know?!" the blond barked. "Sweep it away with a broom or something."

"I'm afraid that's not possible," Itachi announced with a shook of his head.

"Why the hell not?" Deidara snapped.

The raven gave his boyfriend an empty look. "We don't own a broom."

A moment of dumb staring.

" _Hm_ … yeah, right," Deidara nodded in confirmation and glanced at the spider.

Itachi mirrored Deidara's movement and began to observe the still creature as well, his eyes getting new calculating shine. "We should get rid of it somehow," Itachi uttered matter-of-factly. "Do we still have the bug spray?"

A guilty silence. "Eeh, no. I've used it all on... things," Deidara said, scratching the back of his head with awkward grimace. He tried to give Itachi an innocent look – the look of an angel – glancing hesitantly to the side, hoping that it might hide what actually happened to the bug spray.

"You were trying to make it explode, didn't you? Do you realize how dangerous that could have been?" Itachi said, his voice gaining brand new parental vibe.

Deidara groaned in annoyance. "Stop lecturing and get rid of the spider!"

Itachi snapped his eyes back at the spider, giving it almost murderous stare. Apart from that, nothing else happened though.

A sneaky grin spread Deidara's lips. "You're scared of it, aren't you?" he teased. As if he wasn't afraid of the spider himself.

Itachi closed his eyes briefly. "That's a silly assumption," he denied stubbornly.

Deidara burst out laughing. "If you're not scared then pick it up," he chuckled and nudged into Itachi's side with his elbow.

A warning was shot in Deidara's direction. "I'm not the one in need of a vacuum. Or are you afraid of a little spider, dear?" was the tease Itachi sent back smoothly.

"Shut up! I'm not!" Deidara exclaimed.

Itachi narrowed his eyes. "Then pick it up. The spider is probably more scared than you are."

"Tsch… that's just bullshit!" the blond retorted, then sighed exasperatedly. "Okay, I admit. I'm scared," he announced with an eye roll. "And I bet I'm more scared than that bastard! So I won't pick it up… you do it!"

"I'm sorry, but that's not possible either," Itachi said and crossed arms on his chest in a gesture of refusal.

"Why?!" Deidara stared mischievously, already knowing the reason. No-one could blame him for wanting to hear his ever perfect boyfriend admitting that he was scared of spiders.

"Because it's repulsive," Itachi clarified calmly.

The blond chuckled. "So you're scared," he said, happily coming to his own conclusion.

There was a brief pause and then one silent word. "Basically."

Deidara sighed. "Awesome. What are we gonna do?" he let out a resigned question. The tone of his voice showing that even though it sounded rhetorical he did wonder about the outcome of the troublesome problem.

Itachi inhaled deeply and holding his breath he made his decision and made one firm step towards the beast. Deidara reached for his boyfriend, clutching his forearm tensely with both hands and providing support that would turn to be more of a hindrance should an unexpected situation occur.

Right when Itachi was about to step one bit closer, the arachnid moved. Unrolling his long fleshy legs and causing a violent twitch in both men. Deidara's nails dug into Itachi's arm when the monster rushed past them, missed the tips of Itachi's feet by several painfully short centimeters and disappeared under their bed. Both men stayed in stunned shock, their hearts pounding in harmonized rhythm full of panic.

Deidara was the first one to wake up. "Ewww! What now?!"

Itachi took few calming breath intakes, then turned around to face his boyfriend. "I'll go call pest control," he proclaimed.

"You sure? Isn't that a little extreme?" Deidara eyed him doubtfully.

The raven mildly quirked an eyebrow. "There could be more of them."

A nervous chuckle fell of Deidara's lips before he began to drag Itachi out of the bedroom. " _Pest control_!" he called out excitedly and slammed the door, locking the spider inside.

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 _Be nice and review. :)_


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